FSR Season 2 - Leah Ellis

Welcome to the Financial Secrets Revealed Series 2 podcast episode where Amanda Cassar meets with Leah Ellis, the daughter of a long-term financial abuse victim, based in the USA.

Leah shares her mother’s story and how the lessons of her childhood spilled into her own marriage and eventually saw her establish Endeavor Financial Coaching.

She’s now the mother of 3 and practicing healthy financial habits with her partner and children.

Amanda enjoys Lifting the Lid on Financial Abuse with Leah.  It’s a darker topic, but one that needs exploring, to help all victims become survivors.

We hope you’ve gained lots of insights and can help other see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Offer 

Purchase your copy of Financial Secrets Revealed on Amazon: 

Financial Secrets Revealed: Cassar, Amanda: Amazon.com.au: Books

Purchase your copy of the book on Booktopia:

Financial Secrets Revealed, Collective Wisdom from Business Gurus, Financial Geniuses and Everyday Heroes by Amanda Cassar | 9781925648546 | Booktopia

Purchase your copy of the book on Barnes & Noble:

Financial Secrets Revealed by Amanda Cassar, Paperback | Barnes & Noble® (barnesandnoble.com)

Connect with Leah

http://www.endeavorfinancialcoaching.com
http://www.facebook.com/endeavorfinancialcoaching
endeavorfinancialcoaching@gmail.com
https://www.instagram.com/endeavorfinancialcoaching/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/leahkellis/

Follow 

Catch up with Amanda Cassar, host of Financial Secrets Revealed on Twitter and Instagram @financechicks or on LinkedIn at Amanda Cassar | LinkedIn

Websites: 

• https://amandacassar.com.au/ 
• https://www.wealthplanningpartners.com.au/ (company website)
• https://trustedagedcare.com.au/ (company website)

Transcript

Intro: 0:06

Hi, I am Amanda Cassar and welcome to the Financial Secrets Revealed podcast where I have collected the wisdom from some amazing people around the world to understand better their money story. I have financial advisors, multi-million dollar corporate executives and those surviving on Centrelink even running global charities. I hope you enjoy listening to the episodes as I speak with these incredible people about their stories.

Amanda: 0:45

Hello, it is Amanda Cassar, and I am back with the Financial Abuse podcast. Now I stumbled across the lovely Leah Ellis on the Female Podcasters website. Femalepodcasters.com If you haven't seen that one. So her story resonated very well with the financial abuse space that we're looking at right now and shining the light on this really serious topic. Now, you weren't a victim, personally, I suppose later. But the fallout certainly impacted your life and career in many ways. So can you please tell us a little bit about you and the story of how financial abuse came into your life?

Leah: 1:25

Well, now I'm a financial coach, and I teach people how to take care of money. And I do it because my mother was the victim of financial abuse and therefore kind of my brother and I through by proxy had were you learned that money was this really terrible, dirty thing, and that it was a control mechanism. And when I got married, it was its own whole mess in my marriage until my husband and I finally, were able to communicate enough about money that we're on the same page now. And we made a business out of making money more attainable, and more relatable. Because I don't think that needs to be what it is in our culture. But it is because that's our culture right now.

Amanda: 2:10

Okay, so shining the light on this awful, awful subject. Can you tell us your mother's story now just as a side note, we are recording on International Women's Day in the States. It's the day after for Australia. So I'm coming fresh off the back of an International Women's Day breakfast all about breaking the bias. And your mother had a message to didn't she that she'd like to share with everyone?

Leah: 2:33

Yes, I told my mom that I was recording her story today. And she told me to make sure that everybody listening knows right off the bat, that you do not have to stay a frog in the hot water. It's okay to jump out. If it feels a little warmer than you like leave. You don't have to wait for it to get hot to jump out.

Amanda: 2:50

Okay, so let's learn about how your mom became that frog in the boiling pot by the time she left. So over to you, Leah.

Leah: 2:59

So my mom was a Navy brat and her parents were divorced. And she had a tumultuous upbringing. And then she had me out of wedlock.

Amanda: 3:10

The horror!

Leah: 3:13

In the 90s, nonetheless. So then she had me out of wedlock. And she was pretty much told you're going to be an old maid, and you're going to have to fail your daughter because you're never going to be able to get married now. So the first time a guy came along and showed a glimmer of interest. As soon as he proposed, she was like, Well, of course, I have no choice there. This is the only man who's ever going to ask me I have to marry him. They had known each other for like two months before they got engaged. They had known each other for seven months. By the time they got married. They got married when I was seven months old. So they just jumped she jumped from like by herself, to suddenly married with a child and roughly six months. And he sold her these beautiful dreams about how he was going to be a pilot. They were going to see the world together. They weren't going to be able to do anything. And she had had such a rough childhood. That everything he said with his silver tongue just she hung on every word, believed the dreams. Well then she sold the car so she couldn't go to work. So he had to stay home with me and clean and cook for him because there wasn't a car for her to get a job and she immediately lost her financial independence. Then he cheated on her. Then she got pregnant with my little brother. And my brother is only two years younger than me. So all of this happened in quick succession. Very close. Yeah, she just he just kept going. He would, because he's a really quality kinda guy. Every summer he would get into a fight with his boss and he would either get fired or quit his job depending on the year. Usually about June he would lose his job. Just Live, we would get evicted from wherever we were living. We would move in with my great grandma, we would sleep on her floor. Because she lived in a rental herself. Like she didn't own a house. She lived in a little one bedroom apartment, and we just come sleep in her living room for about a month. And then in August, he would get a new job. We'd get a new place to live with sign our one year lease. That summer, he would get into a fight with his boss get fired. So every time my mom started saving money, he quit his job again. And in between when she would say, Well, I'm a really good waitress, and I can make great money with tips. She would go get a job, she would make a couple $100 and tips. He would quit paying her car payments. So one time she walked out to leave for work and the car was gone because it had been repossessed. We had to walk in my I was like, five and my brother was three and we had to walk with our laundry to the laundromat just so we can have clean clothes because the car had been repossessed.

Amanda: 6:03

So after he'd done this the first time with the car, selling it out from under the minute they got married, he repeated that. So mom was able to save up enough again, to get a new car and get a job.

Leah: 6:14

And he would get rid of I think he probably did it six or seven times at least that I can recall.

Amanda: 6:21

So hence your mother's warning about

Leah: 6:24

don't get out the first time. Rob Brown, don't wait to see how bad it gets. So he would buy a car, get it running, she would get a job, he would sell the car or give away a car or do take the car apart. So it wasn't drivable. And she had to take her car. At one point he got a motorcycle. So he had to take her car when it was too hot or too cold or too rainy or too windy, because he couldn't go on his motorcycle if the weather wasn't 70 and three's list. And it was just consistently she was stranded and trapped. And he made her pay all the bills, and do all the budgeting and do all the grocery shopping. So when there wasn't money for him to do something he wanted to do that he would berate her for wasting all of his money, which I think is like financial abuse 101 Make her handle the money and then yell at her for doing it the wrong way.

Amanda: 7:23

Depending on the situation, I've also found the other way where they're not allowed to touch the money at all and you know, make by everything on $100 a week. So it's yeah, it's a strange old old world. So you've you've got an interesting childhood obviously moved around a lot yourself. Possibly there weren't a lot of open conversations about money. In the family, you just saw all the outcomes. What sort of lessons do you remember learning? At that time, I suppose all those unspoken lessons that would have stuck with you and obviously impacted your own marriage. What What were you getting from it,

Leah: 8:00

I firmly believed that men were terrible with money, and therefore we shouldn't trust them with it. That being a woman meant being the household secretary. And that you couldn't work as a mom, because you just didn't. It wasn't possible for mothers to work. Every time my mom got a job, she was forced to quit. So I firmly believe that that was just the universe telling her that that's not what moms are supposed to do. Well, and so then when my husband and I got married, I was like, obviously, I'm going to be a stay at home mom. And I'm really fortunate my husband makes a ton of money. And well, okay, I shouldn't say that he doesn't he doesn't make as much as you know, it's never millions. He's not like, we're not wealthy. But we're comfortable because my husband makes enough income to support both of us. And I get to be a work from home mom.

Amanda: 8:53

So you can live comfortably as a single income family with the children. And whatever you make is a bonus, which is also a very stereotypical 1950s family setup isn't it really

Leah: 9:04

kind of feels that way sometimes. But the difference is my husband and I talk about all of our money. Like we both have access to all of the accounts. We both do the budget together every week. We are both really transparent with the money. When he annoys me, I tell him he's annoying me and it doesn't turn into a blowout fight.

Amanda: 9:25

So this was new for you though, wasn't it? This new, beautiful, respectful relationship you have around money wasn't always the case, I'm guessing.

Leah: 9:33

No. I was definitely one of those wives who had a secret savings account just in case. I don't anymore. It's a shared account that we use to pay our utilities. It's a super thrilling account that pays the water bill. I worked my rear end off he worked his rear end off and we were still broken and broke because we neither one of us knew how to handle money. And so it took It's a long time for us to get here. We've been married now for almost eight years. And it's only been the last two that I can say we've been firmly on the same page around money. And before that, if I'm completely honest, we were both using money to control each other. Because I used, we have money so we can do whatever I want. As long as I make money, I can do whatever I want, as my justification for retail therapy.

Amanda: 10:30

We deserve it. Right. I mean, that's, that's the whole point.

Leah: 10:34

That's I thought, like, you know, I deserve all of these things. So I'm going to use all of our money. And I wasn't really thinking about the impact that had on our family. And then he was, he was kind of hot and cold, where he would like go on spending sprees. And then he would want to save every penny and nobody was allowed to spend anything because we needed to save. And it just it took some time for us to find an even playing field.

Amanda: 11:00

So this pendulum sort of swinging between spending and saving and both on different pages, I'm guessing which most people are when it comes to finances. What was his parents family money story, like compared to yours?

Leah: 11:13

Well, his parents divorced when he was six. And his dad. To this day, his dad and his stepmom are not great with money, they have a really tumultuous relationship with money and finance and spending and hiding purchases. And his mom did all of Financial Peace University as a single mother of four children, paid off all of her debt and had a really firm grasp on her money. But I think she taught her kids a lot of saving and goal motivation, like save for a goal and a material thing. So my husband was really motivated to like I'm saving for this thing, this material is my goal. And so it's taking some shifting for him to say like, well, I have goals outside of just things. Because as a kid, you know, it's save your money, so you can buy a video game. And he just never.

Amanda: 12:08

And then that moves on to buy a car, put a deposit on a house, we're having a baby. So yeah.

Leah: 12:16

And never became like, Okay, I'm saving for stability, it was always I'm saving for a thing. And even if the thing is a valuable thing, like saving for a house, it was still like the next thing. Whereas now our relationship with each other and with money is more about what goals are we trying to reach?

Amanda: 12:34

And you've got little people of your own now too, don't you? How many babies have you got three of them? Three, oh, my goodness, you have been busy these last days.

Leah: 12:45

They are six, three and seven months.

Amanda: 12:48

So with the really randomly, incredibly different backgrounds you've had and this journey you've gone on to have this respectful relationship and become a money coach. Are there specific things you'd like to teach your children about money or lessons that you're incorporating now into their upbringing that you absolutely wish you'd learned back in the day?

Leah: 13:12

How to budget but not just like the simple like write down your income and write down your bills. how your money is a tool to reach your goals. And the money itself isn't good or bad. It's just a tool to get where you want to go. And my daughter's half because my son is seven months. So he is kind of left out right now. The girls, they have to do budgets for their allowance and they have goals. And they are pretty materialistic at this point, because they're six and three. But my six year old is saving so that her first car can do maasdam. Yeah. No, she's saving for her first. Wow. And she understands that money can have a lasting impact. For me it was always spend the money as fast as you can before the bills come in, it has to go there instead. So she's learning like yes, there's future motivation instead of just instantaneous gratitude gratification.

Amanda: 14:08

That must be the youngest person I've ever heard of with a really high EQ to being able to do the delayed gratification. How old were you when you drive in the States 1516 She's got a way to go.

Leah: 14:21

If we live in Kansas when she reaches the age she will have to be 17 before she can find her first car. But she puts$1 a week into her savings for college and her first car and she's already said she's going to buy a white Mazda and have them painted pink.

Amanda: 14:37

Okay, no just buying a pink master you can't can't get those so no,

Leah: 14:42

it was like she's like they don't make pink ones. So I'll buy a white one and get it painted. But my brother she she knows that my brother works on cars so she's like oh cool cars for convenient for me. It'd be fine. Oh, she got that sorted out. So she does. There's definitely times when she's like how many longer until I can drive my car, but not the most like, I'm gonna buy a car and even more instantaneous. Right now she's saving to get her ears pierced. So she has a short term savings and a long term savings. And she knows that our goal is to get her ears pierced on March 19. If she comes up with another$10 So she's saving. She has a goal. She has a deadline and she's working on it. Well, I didn't do that as a kid right

Amanda: 15:29

lessons. Don't you wish you'd had that lesson when you were six?

Leah: 15:33

Oh, yeah. But when I was 10, my stepdad used our rent money to buy an engagement ring for his like six outside of their marriage relationship. So our family. Yeah, exactly. So our family for our groceries, we had a loaf of bread and a six pack of Collector's Edition NASCAR Coca Cola, that fed a family of four. He spent the money because that was what he did. Whenever something was going on. He would just leave and spend all the money and leave my mom to clean up the mess. And she could never leave because there was never money to leave. And when she did leave, she was left financially inverne Because he had spent every penny he had wrapped her credit he had made her think she was crazy. And to be totally honest, she only left because of my daughter.

Amanda: 16:32

Wow. So that was gonna circle back to mom's story and ask this frog in the pot for Mom, how long did this go for? So you're talking fairly recently, if you talk about your daughter,

Leah: 16:44

um, they were married in July of 1993. And she left to come here in September of 2015. So a little over 20 years.

Amanda: 16:59

Wow. And he'd been cheating from within a couple of months. Ruining financially like you said her credit and everything all through the years and

Leah: 17:09

she had just been he combining narcissistic personality disorder with her upbringing made her this. This like kind of perfect target target. She just wanted what she never had. All she wanted was a happy nucular family. And so she felt that if she worked hard enough, she could make it happen. She just needed to try harder. So every time he cheated, she well, if I had tried harder, every time he sold a car if I had paid more. And she just internalized all of it as her fault. And it wasn't until when I was five weeks pregnant. We announced my pregnancy at our going away party because my husband and I moved from Kansas to California, which is across the country. And she told him I'm going to California to see my first grandchild before and he told her you're not going and she said there's nothing that will keep me from that birth. And he told her if you leave, don't come back. And it was literally having to face the choice of her first grandchild or trying to save this marriage. That was finally the straw that broke the camel's back. Wow. So she came out here. While she was out here, he emptied their bank accounts, so she had no money to get home. So it took roughly two months for my husband and I with our newborn to save enough money to pay for a bus ticket for her to take a Greyhound bus halfway across the country. It was miserable. The bus broke down twice. It was just an awful experience that she had to go through. And when she got back to her home, he had abandoned it and left her dog with skin conditions and half starved. Wow. So then she's dealing with that I abandoned my child, I abandoned my dog. I thought that he would take care of them and he didn't. Now I have nothing. My my pet is sick, my son feels like I've left him and she once again internalized it all is her fault. But he didn't come back to that house. But she started like she visited his new girlfriend at her job and told her that if you were the Christian woman you claim to be wouldn't be sleeping with a married man. Not so great. She the woman kind of just hid in the back and then left and then Mom left but then my husband was in a car accident. And when my husband was in the car accident, I called my mom and I was like I can't take care of a nine month old baby and a bad written husband. I need you to come help me. And that was Finally, the full break. That was when there was no contact between her and my stepdad anymore. And that was July of 2016. Wow.

Amanda: 20:14

So it took a lot. And for those listening to this conversation who are in that situation, there's often a lot of victim blaming you hear all these stories and hear how bad it is. And there's always like, Well, why didn't you just go? You know, why did you stick with it? For What? What? How stupid? Are you to sit around and put up with all that? And the answer is usually, because of the money. And especially when you've got children and responsibilities and all the rest of it being cut off from that only, you know, financial lifeline that you have. And you know, you mentioned the gaslighting before she thought she was crazy and probably thought yet It's all her fault. She's no good with money, he must be right. I'm in this terrible situation. So how can other people I suppose looking in going, you know, something's not right there. I don't know the full picture. Do you think other people can help you? Like, what can we do? When we're looking at these situations? Instead of doing that? Or just walk away? You idiot? What What can we do that's really constructively able to assist.

Leah: 21:15

When he when the abuser starts isolating. And your the abuse starts shutting down. Push harder. Every even if it breaks your heart to watch them. Do it for that person. Because when when the straw breaks, they're going to need to know they're not alone.

Amanda: 21:42

Yeah, there's there's often that oh, it's done in my business. That's your marriage That's private. And it is breaking your heart on the inside. But it's an extraordinary act of bravery to sit there and go, I see what's happening to you. I feel awful about this, you know, is there anything I can do, there's often that fear will lose the friendship or fear that will upset somebody else. So you're saying To hell with it, sorry, Americans. Just Just go go full tilt, just help.

Leah: 22:11

Just just be steady. Be present. If she calls you crying, because he's cheating again, let her cry, offer her whatever help you can offer. And when she says no, because she's stuck blaming herself, tell her you love her tell you're there, you're there for whatever she needs. And that whenever she wants to reach out, you'll be available. And that's really emotionally vulnerable for you too. And it's really hard to say that you your be willing to be present for somebody. But I'll be really mean and say if you truly love them, you'll do it.

Amanda: 22:47

Yeah, there's two really important lessons there, isn't it? We're sort of putting ourselves aside, letting them know one that will be there no matter what. And also being able to respect that decision that, you know, many of us are chronic fixers, and we're like, this is the solution. This is what you need to do. You need to walk away from him, I've got a couch for you. Just, you know, just do it. It's so black and white and clear for other people. But you know, other people come back, get up and I still love him. There's a big part of me that wants to give you a smack and tell you to get over it. But it's too hard when you're in that situation. And like I said, there's there's responsibilities and babies and bills, too, sometimes just walk away.

Leah: 23:27

Yeah, it's impossible, because you're like I can't, I don't want my children to lose this picture of a nucular family. I'm that child. I am the child of a mother who stayed in a terrible marriage, and was abused for two decades to protect her children. You're not protecting your babies. Your babies are learning terrible lessons that you don't want them to learn. Every ounce of you wants to protect your babies. So do the hardest thing you're ever going to do in length for your babies.

Amanda: 24:06

That's incredibly there was another lady I know who when her daughter turned around and said to her when her father said to her mother, like, you know, this is my ultimatum, you're not allowed to work in media anymore. You are only allowed to stack shelves at the local supermarket. This woman was you know, an award winning investigative journalist and he said, you know, stop this nonsense of the media. And a daughter even looked at her like six or seven weeks. That's not who you are mommy, and that was her light bulb moment when she went, Oh, what sort of an example am I said if I keep staying and keep pandering to his will and whims and you know, turning myself I mean, this woman walked away from her relationship. You know, she had adult onset epilepsy. She had a mini stroke, the stress, you know, physically and emotionally broke her to do it. And now she's as happy as a pig in Peru. She's moved from Australia to California, new husband, new life. Best thing she ever did, but in that moment, you can't see that

Leah: 25:01

it's truly terrifying. But my mom officially left my stepdad in July of 2016. That's when she left the house that they had been sharing he had left before. But that's when she made the choice that she was not staying in that home anymore. She left in July of 2016. This month, no last month, February, February of 2022. She has finally built herself back up so that she is completely financially independent. It Wow, her six years is not

Amanda: 25:39

even. So you said your stepfather destroyed her credit rating. This was with the buying and selling of the cars. And what did you do? i Wow. What did has she needed to do over those last five or six years to become a strong independent financially sound woman again,

Leah: 26:02

she lived with my husband and I for a couple of years. And she used that time to start paying off credit cards that she had been living off of. So she started paying off credit cards. So that helped repair her credit score. She got hurt, she financed her own car in her own name. And she's made steady, reliable payments. So she's building up her credit there. She couldn't get a house like she couldn't sign a lease, nobody would rent to her because her credit was so bad. So she got a place to live with my little brother. My brother is an over the road truck driver. So he's only home one weekend, a month. So he was paying the rent. And she was paying the utilities because not only could she not get approved for the house, she couldn't afford the house. And she worked. I think she's had four or five different jobs just trying to find a job that had the hours and income that she could survive on. And it has taken this long of building herself back up paying off credit cards getting better jobs, that she's finally got that stable footing where now she's making enough money that she can cover the rent and utilities on the house that she shares with my brother. So she doesn't have to feel like her son is offering her charity anymore. And instead, they're in a mutually beneficial arrangement where he has somewhere to sleep when he's home for two weeks and somewhere to leave his car. And she has this house that she lives in the rest of the time and she gets to see her son every month. Beautiful. Oh, it's I'm so proud of my mom because she has worked.

Amanda: 27:36

Awesome, awesome. Well, what I am tale of woe and overcoming and strength that you know, both you and your mom have had to show because it mustn't have been easy for you either, like you said to crawl your way out of those such ingrained beliefs that you had. I'm sure they impacted quite strangely early in your marriage.

Leah: 27:59

Well, and my my dear friend, Judy Kane, who I think is one of the sweetest most magnificent women ever, she wrote a book called your four truths. And it talks about how your subconscious beliefs are ingrained by your seventh birthday. But my seventh birthday, I had spent six and a half years watching my mom be abused. That was normal to me. So my subconscious still feels like that is normal. And every day, I make a conscious effort not to do those things, the things I saw, I choose not to do. But that is part of my brain structure now. And I have to not teach that to my children.

Amanda: 28:42

Well, this is the whole theme for International Women's Day this year is no break the bias. And it's not something that comes naturally. I mean all those ingrained beliefs, whether it's racism, sexism, gender bias that have been ingrained in us since childhood, you know, you look at someone and you make that call in your head, based on your own biases that may or may not have any relationship to reality. And you do have is a physical exercise to overcome all those things, to being able to constantly learn and improve and be better people. So in your coaching work there, have you come across any people who've also been abused, and if needed coaching, I,

Leah: 29:23

I haven't had any of my clients who have been financially abused. But I have had a lot of clients who like me have really rough upbringings and unfortunately haven't had the resources to change the generational behaviors yet. So we do have I have some clients who the husband's in jail. I have some clients where they're widows and they're trying to do their best based on their circumstances, and they're not sure what comes next.

Amanda: 29:56

I find also that financial abuse doesn't have to be from A loving partner or family member people are very, very capable of financially abusing themselves, is that something you've come across.

Leah: 30:08

Um, I have clients who have very unhealthy relationships with money and they use it, I would say they abuse themselves, they call they weaponize money against themselves. And they punish themselves by not allowing purchases. Actually, my great grandmother had a retirement and a pension. And she still only allowed herself to buy ham and cheese sandwiches. Because she was so afraid of spending her money. And I regularly on podcasts will tell people that in order to be financially healthy, you have to be doing three things with your money, you have to be spending it, you have to be saving it and you have to be giving some away. And if you're not doing all three, you're not financially healthy. You have to do all of those things. Regularly, you don't get to just like donate some money once a year and say I gave this year I'm done. I'm financially healthy. No, you need to be regularly and actively engaging and giving money to the things that you believe in. You also need to be regularly and actively engaged in saving money for your future. Even if your future is a hot pink Mazda Miata, you've got to be

Amanda: 31:14

safe. Not that there's anything wrong with that. No,

Leah: 31:17

actually, I'm really excited for my kid to get a hot pink Mazda Miata because mommy's definitely got a test drive it.

Amanda: 31:23

Absolutely.

Leah: 31:24

And you have to be spending money. Because otherwise, you're torturing yourself with it. You have turned it into the carrot you dangle in front of yourself that you're never allowed to use. And then you become resentful. And you become a workaholic, because there's never enough and you have to keep going. Spend some on something you enjoy, save something for something you're going to enjoy in the future and give something away to somebody who does something you love.

Amanda: 31:50

Yeah, that's that's a whole other podcast, isn't it? The generosity and giving and finding things that align with your values? And how have you taught that to your children, just that part of it about the giving back?

Leah: 32:01

Well, one my oldest daughter is a Girl Scout. And so we work very hard on how to make the world better than when we walk in Girl Scouts leave everywhere better than they found it. And that means taking care of one another and taking care of the earth and society. My my troop is all daisies which means they are kindergarten and first graders, transferring that to like ages, they're five to seven, they're a little girls. They're working on a community service project so that they can make a lasting impact in our community. Last year, they did a crown drive and kept 180 pounds of crayons out of the dumb, so they created less waste. And the crowns were recycled into crayons that were donated to hospitals for sick children. So they not only prevented waste, but were able to give to other kids. For my daughter's when they do their budget. Part of their budget is to make sure they've got something in their gift envelope. And we do stuff like right now my Girl Scouts are doing a diaper drive. We're collecting diapers so that we can donate them to families who don't have them because one in three American families don't have enough diapers. It's crazy that 33% of Americans can't diaper their infants. So we're going to use the money that we have to buy diapers to give to those people. Because everybody loves a baby. Go diaper baby today, donate diapers to somebody who needs it.

Amanda: 33:27

I was one of those, you know, hippies, I had cloth nappies, I just love them. That's my advice to provide.

Leah: 33:35

Well, that's one of the problems here in the in the States, though, is even the families who can get cloth diapers. One, it's a big investment to go buy another like diapers to survive to even diaper your baby for a day. But if you get the diapers, most rentals don't have washer dryer in them. So you have to go to a laundromat. And then when you go to the laundromat, you have to pay to wash the laundry. And if they can't afford the $8 pack of diapers, they probably can't afford the $3 a day and wash. So diaper bags are the best way for us to be able to say I have money for diapers, let me help your baby. Because I have a seven month old I promise I understand how many diapers a day you're changing. I am

Amanda: 34:23

and I love the idea of you talking about the girls giving back because giving back doesn't have to be for those who can't you know afford to make ends meet the last thing they want to do is be giving cash away as much as they'd love to. But giving time and resources and energy to things that help the community is also a beautiful way of helping when you know you just can't go on that you know regular giving list and I know in the States right now there's so many people who are struggling you know you can have double incomes and still not be able to afford to make ends meet and the UK is not far behind. You know in Australia. The highest level of homelessness now is women over 50 You know living in cars with children. So you L L, beautiful standard of living in these developed nations is, you know, it's under threat right now. So, yeah, yeah,

Leah: 35:09

it is. Um, and I think it's really important that people understand that sometimes you give in abstract ways, when while we were getting ready for our podcast today, I made a flyer, I happen to know how to use Canva pretty well. And I can whip up a flyer pretty quick. I need to advertise for nonprofits. So I designed a flyer for them for free, sent it over. That's supporting their mission, but it costs me nothing but about seven minutes.

Amanda: 35:37

Yeah, beautiful. easy and super effective. So yeah, well, thank you so much for spilling your guts, as we say over Australia sharing with us, Leah. That's an incredible story. And I'm so proud of your mom for finally, you know, getting that resilience and I'm sorry, it had to last two decades before she she made that break. But I love her words of wisdom to anyone else going through that. You know, the sooner you do it the better. Don't Don't be the boiling frogs.

Leah: 36:05

No, don't be a boiling frog. Yes, it took her two decades. And yes, it took her six more years to get on her feet. But my mom is so proud of the woman that she is now and I'm so proud of her. And there's absolutely people in your life who will be proud of you when and if you decide to do the same thing.

Amanda: 36:22

Awesome. Thank you again, for joining us really appreciate your story.

Leah: 36:26

Thanks for having me.

Outro: 36:28

And that was another episode of Financial Secrets Revealed. Thank you so much for joining me. I hope you got some nuggets of wisdom out of that guest and enjoyed listening to their story. If you'd like to know more, please reach out to me my contact details are in the show notes or hunt down your favorite bookstore to find financial secrets revealed and learn more for yourself. I look forward to hearing from

Unknown: 37:01

you